It's Not My Fault I'm Good With Goats

Because of my new pal Graham's new blog post, I was reminded of my favorite James Tate poem and a time in my life when I almost thought reading wasn't the most annoying thing in the entire world. But that was back when getting out of bed wasn't the most annoying thing in the entire world. Now I'd rather shoot myself in the head than walk to 7-11 but STOP GETTING ME OFF TOPIC.
I present, Megan Rascal's Favorite James Tate Poem:

It Happens Like This

I was outside St. Cecelia's Rectory
smoking a cigarette when a goat appeared beside me.
It was mostly black and white, with a little reddish
brown here and there. When I started to walk away,
it followed. I was amused and delighted, but wondered
what the laws were on this kind of thing. There's
a leash law for dogs, but what about goats? People
smiled at me and admired the goat. "It's not my goat,"
I explained. "It's the town's goat. I'm just taking
my turn caring for it." "I didn't know we had a goat,"
one of them said. "I wonder when my turn is." "Soon,"
I said. "Be patient. Your time is coming." The goat
stayed by my side. It stopped when I stopped. It looked
up at me and I stared into its eyes. I felt he knew
everything essential about me. We walked on. A police-
man on his beat looked us over. "That's a mighty
fine goat you got there," he said, stopping to admire.
"It's the town's goat," I said. "His family goes back
three-hundred years with us," I said, "from the beginning."
The officer leaned forward to touch him, then stopped
and looked up at me. "Mind if I pat him?" he asked.
"Touching this goat will change your life," I said.
"It's your decision." He thought real hard for a minute,
and then stood up and said, "What's his name?" "He's
called the Prince of Peace," I said. "God! This town
is like a fairy tale. Everywhere you turn there's mystery
and wonder. And I'm just a child playing cops and robbers
forever. Please forgive me if I cry." "We forgive you,
Officer," I said. "And we understand why you, more than
anybody, should never touch the Prince." The goat and
I walked on. It was getting dark and we were beginning
to wonder where we would spend the night.

Wait, will I get in trouble for this? For like publishing this or whatever? I'll tell you who's in trouble! You people for not being funny like this guy and his goat!

Did I mention that goats love me? Ask Lizzy to tell you this story. It was after Dollywood, before Thanksgiving.

I'm a Vegansaur Hear Me Roar!

Even though my favorite writing teacher, the handsome young Thomas, just made fun of blogs in class on Tuesday, I will not be deterred! And boy do I have blog news for you! I would like to present, Megan Rascal!: Newest Vegansaur!
There's this blog, Vegansaurus.com, that I've been in love with since I moved to San Francisco and recently they put a call out to new writers. So I was like, I nominate me! And they were like, ok! Actually, I was one of four people chosen out of forty so I'm kind of awesome!
Check out some of my first entries:

And God Did Say, Let There be Kittens!

Loving Hut Part Two: Megan Rascal's Take!

Plant Cafe Redux

So, So Dense

It's not a done deal yet, I still need to prove myself worthy! But they are making plans to do video episodes on which I will be so adorable, there's no way they won't love me!

Figaro's Illustraited Diary, by Figaro: Twoffice Visit

Whut up people!?!? Figgy in the house!!! Guess what? I went to visit the new twitter office today! That's right, chumps! Eat your heart out. How did this come about? Cause I'm THE DAMN FIG! This is how it goes when you livin' The Fig Life. You should try it sometime.

Ok so our story begins many months ago, when I was still just a pup. I started my own twitter page BECAUSE MEGAN RASCAL BE HOGGING THE COMPUTER! And I needed to express myself with more regularity.



As you can see, I became mad popular. READ IT AND WEEP, SUCKAS! 994 follows. I'm like, damn! I can't get 6 more? A straight G! That's what I need. But 994 will have to do for now... seeing as that's 3 times as many followers as Megan has! Bwahahahaaaaaa.

Anyways, I became pals with some twitter support peeps including @lukester (I met him at some Miami Ad School pawties) and @andr8a (met through my homegirl @hilldawgg). So they were all like, "OMG Fig, pleeeease visit us, pleeease!" What's a Fig to do? I had to break them off with a little quality time with the notorious F.I.G.

So of course the night before, I had Rascal wash and press my best tie:



Damn, boy! Lookin' GOOD.

So the next morning, me and Megan went over to the twoffice and met Lukester. The secretary was all, "is he expecting you?" and I was all, "DAMN, WOMAN! WHAT DO YOU THINK?" So she went and got him wit the quickness and he came out and met us:



Yeah, Lukester is a pretty good bro of mine, we gots similar style. Though he couldn't front on my tie! (I think I was the only one in the whole twoffice who had on a tie...)

Then it was off to meet my new homegirl Andr8a!



I helped her unpack some stuffs (they just moved last week so don't hate). Then we took a break for the paparazzi to get some shots:



I don't mean to bring us off topic but sometimes I'm just like... DAMN! I'm handsome!

Shortly after that, I found...



... the kitchen! Yeah boyeee! But they didn't give me no noms (haters).

Then I had lots of other tweeps to meet---errrrybody wanted to meet the Fig, of course.







All in all, a super dope time! I want to personally thank all my new hoomin pals for hosting my visit to the twoffice and for letting Megan come along (snore), it really was fun! And if The Fig says it's fun, then YOU KNOW it was off the hook!



Alright, that's all for now peoples. PEACE OUT!

2 Peas in a Bucket

Me and my dear sis Cally have a joint venture! In the form of... a new blog! Yes ANOTHER one! YAY!
You can find it at 2PeasinaBucket.tumblr.com
Above is a snapshot with the redesign I just did. It's basically just where me and Cally will collect shit we think is coooool. Not a lot o' talkin or nothing, just coooool shit. Yeah. Get with it.

Another very important note! I'm going to be taking everyone off the automatic email notification list for the blog because I'm like, maybe they don't want to be automatically notified when there's a new Daily Rascal! Family members will be kept on regardless but anyone else who wishes to remain on the list or be added, just let me know in the comments. PEACE!

Songs About Willies

Not that kind of Willie! Is Willy even a euphemism for penis? According to Buju Banton, yes. An early Buju Banton song, encouraging safe sex--that Buju! What a concerned citizen. I miss the 90s and all the great safe-sex songs (omg, do I spy the next song post!). I could only find this black screen video but the sound is solid:




Next up, Little Willy by The Sweet. And I found this lovely live version! I think it's "live" because it sounds very close to the studio version. But it's dope. I don't like live recordings usually anyway. I know I know. Hate on me.
Anyway, this song rocks my motherloving world! I can't listen to this song without jamming the frick out.



Can you stand it?!?! I just got to totally dance to that song. This is exactly why I shouldn't listen to music on the bus. I can't not dance. And then I'm "that dancing bus rider" sheesh.

Last up--though there are more Willie songs I'm sure--is Little Willie and the Hand Jive by Johnny Otis! I love this song. It's not SUCH a banger as Little Willy but it's superdopeawesome nonetheless (why is nonetheless one word but superdopeawesome isn't? Fascism!):



Alright enough willies.

Later peeps!

Here's a Musical Genre for You: DOWNER

There are some songs that, nowadays, always make me tear up. I say nowadays because there was a time when I was a real tough guy and dumb things like songs and movies couldn't make me cry. Unfortunately, that guy is totally dead and you have sobby Megan Rascal to deal with. But sometimes you just kind of want to cry and can't, in those cases! Bam! Put on one of these songs and ta-da! Crybaby.

Duh, Kate Bush: This woman's work.


Then of course there's that Donnie Darko song: Mad World by Michael Andrews and Gary Jules


I'd never seen that video--that isht is dope!

Jesus, etc. by Wilco:


I know, how does Megan know this song? Hey! I'm a hip lady! I know the music of the times! Sike, Jonathan Forgang put it on a mix for me many moons ago. I think it's a complete downer. There's something about people telling you not to cry that makes you cry--no? That's why when your girl is like crying in the middle of the club, don't be like, "aw, don't cry!" You tell that girl a damn joke! Always works for me. They will thank you.

Another song I was going to include is Trouble in Mind by Nina Simone but I could only find one version in a few videos that is not the version I love so I'm not putting it on here. But that song, jeez louise...I'm like, if Nina Simone wants to kill herself, I should DEFINITELY kill myself!
Since they don't have the version I like, I've decided to leave you with an upper! This Nina Simone song ALWAYS makes me feel like 10 million bucks!

Nina Simone, Ain't Got No--I Got Life

Lardee! My Hero!

Holler at your milktoof everybody! I got my book in the mail from mymilktoof.blogspot.com today! Boy am I excited. My dear sister put me onto milktoof a few months back and now me and my pal Asli are obsessed. The creator was recently at a bay area convention for independent publishers or something? She printed up a book and notecards and stuff based on the site for the convention and me and Asli wanted to go but totally flaked (Dude, it was equal parts flaking! Why do you always assume it's me?). But low and behold, they were BRIEFLY available online! I knew I had to order them in haste (they are already sold out) so that's what I did and made sure to order one for Asli too because I'M THE GREATEST.

Here's Asli with her new book:



I know I know! but she's already taken.

In other news, the cold water came back on in my sink without me having to talk to my oddball building manager. So after a week of scalding hot water, I can finally do the dishes. Yay! Doing dishes! Yay.